you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
is that a dick in a sweater?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
