turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
