I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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