Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
