did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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