Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
