Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
