she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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