Im at strip club and am horny
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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