i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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