drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We were destined to go to rehab together
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
