Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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