I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I have post one night stand depression
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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