Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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