im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
