u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
