when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
