hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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