it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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