cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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