I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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