There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
