Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Randomize
