a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
