You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
