I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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