Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
