she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize