i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
