I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
