i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
