Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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