I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize