using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
