the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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