before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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