All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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