Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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