The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
