Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize