all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
