Christians are straight up FREAKS
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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