i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize