Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Randomize
