I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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