I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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