his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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