People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize