i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
