Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
