I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize