A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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