I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
