This is not my ceiling
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize