I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
