Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
