We named our party play list daddy issues
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
