im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
