He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
