right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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