he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Houston, we have a squirter
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
