I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
false alarm, still single
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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