yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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