Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
