we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
