I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
