Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
