we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
