He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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