she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
