true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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