Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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