i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
