Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I think people are normalizing furries
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
