Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
