note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
