Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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