We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
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