You smell like stripper and shame
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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