I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
