I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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