neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
