just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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