1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
