If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
