I think I died a long time ago.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
