i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
